Warning ... Pity Party

For some reason this weekend has been really hard. Maybe it's because my feet, ankles, and calves look like an elephant. Maybe because I cannot put my own socks on. Maybe because it's because (besides Nate's T shirts) I can fit into approximately 1 pair of jeans, 2 pairs of sweatpants, and about 3 large maternity shirts. I look at my unwaxed eyebrows and unpedicured feet and get so frustrated. Yes I could get these things fixed, but then I have to deal with an hour of people exclaiming that Im huge and about to pop any day now. I have what I like to call my alternate story. Im 39 weeks with a girl. Some days it is too much to explain the triplet thing. I've heard "All I see is dollar signs!" etc. waaay too many times.

But you know what? I dont look like this! (The lovely Octomom and Kate Gosselin)

That is some scariness.

I think the hardest thing for me to deal with is lack of control. This always creeps up on me when I am confronted by major life changes.  Just like my description of previous struggles in Don't put baby in the corner.  I thought I had the control idol beaten with this uneventful high risk pregnancy. But today, I came to the realization that it drives me absolutely crazy that I cant run around and do the monotonous things like grocery shopping or running to Target for some random shampoo. I cant load the dishes the way I want to or do the laundry in my anal retentive way.

And in 2 weeks, Ill have 3 delicate babies that will be completely dependent on Nate and I for every need. It is safe to say that I am terrified. I will have no control over this new phase of my life. Of course, I never had it in the first place. I had an illusion of control. 

So please forgive my pity party. Pardon my hermit-esque behavior and irritability. I'll be praying part of Psalm 40 over the next 2 weeks to remind myself of the goodness of the Lord.:

Psalm 40
 ¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
   he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
   out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
   and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
   a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
   and put their trust in him.